Here Comes The Wave!

Last summer I was at the beach with my family. I was in the water and had my back turned to the vast ocean. I was looking at the shore to see if I'd drifted too far from my cousins. Suddenly I heard my sister yell, "Lea!!!! Turn around!!" I turned to face the ocean and about 50 feet in front of me, a massive wave was forming. I'd faced these waves a few times and knew I had three choices: 1)dive underneath it and wait till it passed; 2) swim with it, use it's power to propel me along side it; or 3)run towards the shore and try to beat it. I knew option 2 was out - I swim about as well as a cat. I knew option 3 was even worse. Have you ever tried to avoid a wave by running from it? Yeah - we can't avoid nature.

I chose option 1. I dove under. I swirled around several times, caught up in the pull of the wave and lost my sense of direction underwater. As soon as the water calmed above me, I came to the surface and gasped for air. Disoriented and shaken, I had to look around QUICKLY to get my bearings. Looking for my family was like finding a needle in a haystack. I slowed my brain, spit out the salty water and took a few breaths. As I calmed myself, I was able to scan the shore. There it was. The rainbow umbrella, the cooler, and my cousin's blonde hair. I slowly swam to the shore, walked to the blanket and collapsed. I was greeted with my cousin's smile and a White Claw. A sense of relief came over me as I watched the waves safely from the shore. The White Claw, delicious.

As public school teachers, we have been watching this wave coming since March. We could see it forming. We could speculate about it. We could anticipate it's arrival. We had no IDEA how big it would become before reaching us.

Sometimes I have enough courage and patience to go to the county website where plans for the fall are posted. Let me tell ya, that is a huge freakin' ocean. There are hundreds of comments about the said "plans", from teachers and parents. I notice with each thread that we are watching the wave of the upcoming school year, and most everyone has to make a choice about how to get through it like I did on that hot summer day.

Some people (like myself) feel there is no stopping this wave. It will be what it will be. Instead of trying to control the wave, we dive. We wait till it passes over us, and come up gasping for air, trying desperately to get our bearings. We stay away from the social media shit storm and the plan until something has been decided. We chose not to be a part of that decision. Some people feel safer swimming with the wave. They are strong swimmers. They have strong feelings. They want to swim with the wave so that when it crashes to the shore, they already have their bearings. They want to feel prepared for the next wave when it hits. They are not afraid to watch as the wave forms and heads toward them. They watch social media vigilantly. This is not hard for them because they are good swimmers. Comments don't bother them and they want to see and know the plan. They also know that they can't control the wave. The others, they turn and run in fear while the wave chases them down. Once it hits, they angrily stand up and start blaming the wave as though it had a choice. They blame their people in the water for not warning them. They are hurt, and angrily looking for someone so they don't hurt so much. They are all over social media. They run to it every day, and every day they become so angry and overwhelmed that they have no choice but to lash out at others comments and responses.

We all want to get to shore and back to our beach chair (and our White Claw) safely. We all want the school year to begin in a way that feels safe and familiar. The problem is, that we are all ignoring each other while we are doing our own thing. We are facing the wave as if we are alone.

If my sister was distracted or busy and wasn't looking out for me that day at the beach, I'd have been taken out by that wave. If my cousin hadn't been watching for me from the shore, I'd have been lost. It took all three of us to get me back to safety. Someone watching and warning, me making a choice I knew was best for me, and someone waving and waiting. It has me thinking - as public school teachers, we can make the choice that's best for us. We can help each other prepare for the wave. Along the shore we can make ourselves seen and help those who are lost find their way back to the blanket.

To survive, it's important to get through this wave by making the choice that works best for us independently. It is not the time to publicly condemn others for how they are getting to the shore. It is NOT the time for the shame and blame game. We will drown if that continues to happen.

All of us need to get to the shore of August in our own unique way, but we ALL need to get to shore. The shore line is our school base, the pebbles, those with whom we work, and the tiny grains of sand, our students. Like the sand along the beach after a wave recedes, what we come back to in August will have changed the shoreline completely. It's still the shore, but it will look and feel nothing like it did before the wave of COVID-19.

Nothing...will....look....or feel... the same. Nothing. Standards will change. Class size and room configurations will be different. Some will be working in the schools, some will be working from home. Administration will have had to figure out and change almost everything about the school day; lunch, buses, recess, specials and instructional time. Then there's our students. I can't even imagine. Equity was lost, no matter how hard we tried. Children lost loved ones to the virus. Some had no adults to care for them, some had adults hovering over them. Nothing will be the same. Many that didn't will have ADHD diagnosis and emotional health issues.

I think it would behoove us right now to support each other as these decisions are made. Questions are vital, but not all of the answers are available right now, nor are they black and white. I believe that those making decisions are trying with all their might to do what is best for the students, families and teachers in their community. Like the teachers caught in the wave, they are crashing to the shore with us. The things they are trying to anticipate, the questions they are trying to ask each other about how to proceed, are enormous. The public school system is an intrical part of the societal web. I cannot IMAGINE having to make those decisions. They will ultimately make and break how families work and live. Despite the stories we make up between their words, I believe they do have us in mind. I believe they see the enormity of the shore line and how the wave will change the landscape.

We all have to get to shore to greet our students and families in the fall. It's ok to have all the feelings we feel. It's ok to let the anger, fear and sadness stand. However, to get caught up in those feelings and not come up for air before August could lead us to drowning. I believe the worst way we can show up for our colleagues, families and students is fearful and isolated in our classrooms. It seems the best we can do is show up with resilience, flexibility, empathy and persistence - be the example for those who are looking for them. If we show fear, there will be fear. If we show curiosity and openess, that is what we will recieve.

Let's support each other, let's ask questions. Instead of being flippint and rude when we talk to each other about the students and families we serve, and the administrators who are working to get us through this, let's take the time to find out what is beneath the words. Let's listen deeply to the questions we hear and the need we notice behind it. The answer to "What in the hell is school going to look like in the fall???"might not be, "2 days in the classroom and 2 days virtually." The answer needed might be, "I hear your worry about how we will meet our students needs, and I am walking with you in that." We are supposed to teach empathy and kindness to our students. Let's be the example of that on social media and in private conversations involving friends and staff members we socialize with. Let's show the world that we can be what we teach. Let's remember that empathy is finite. The less we give ourselves, the less we have to give others. Stop pointing fingers. Stop complaining on public forums about what a shitty job you think the school board is doing to solve this problem. The best we can do to show up for each other and our community is to respect the way we choose to get to shore, watching out and caring for each other while we do that.

My beautiful, wise, sensitive, vulnerable and talented son (I of course know this because I am his mother :-) ) has just put some new music on all music share platforms. When it was in it's infancy, before it had a name or a verse, he sent me the chorus of a song he was writing. The song is called Drifter. When I first heard the song, it gave me hope and broke my heart all at the same moment. Every time I listen to this song, I recognize that the only way we can get through this time together is to love and support all in the education community and those we serve. At the same time "Drifter" forces me to acknowledge my aloneness and fear. Tim's lyrics and soulful melody are not just a statement to me. They are a communal prayer for the education community:

I know that it seems hard right now, but I promise that we'll make it through.

I know that it seems like a lot right now, but I know that you'll make it through.

I know that it seems hard right now, but I believe strongly in you.

I know that it seems that it's never gonna end, but I promise that we'll make it through.

I know that it seems hard right now, but I'll try as long as you do.

I know we've all got our differences, but I promise that we'll make it through.

I know that it seems like a lot right now, but I promise that you'll make it through.

I know that it seems hard right now, but I believe so strongly in you.

I believe that our aloneness can and should propel us into togetherness. My aloneness after coming up from the wave forced me to look to the shore for reassurance. That reassurance came from knowing the people I loved were looking out for me. They were waving me back. I knew when I got to them, I would not face judgement or criticism. I Knew I'd see a smile and a wave, showing me what direction to go. I knew I could trust my loved ones waiting for me. I felt connected and complete. Let's do that;

for admin, school board members, fellow teachers and communities. Let's wave each other to shore with love and acceptance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmSv1dI0qKk Click on the link to hear the song "Drifter" by Tim Devine, the Back Up Kid