In The Shade

Starting early May the playground gets HOT. I mean crock pot cookin' hot! I watch my kinders who are looking for spots of shade instead of their usual monkeying on the monkey bars and sliding on the slides. They are looking for shade that's not already been snatched up by other kids. You might think the physically active things the kids do is what recess is for, and partially it is. However, something that is just as important is also happening. Friendship and fun without the teacher right there to hear and tell you to "shhhhhh." It's kid freedom.

I like to meander around while the kids are in the shade. I don't talk to them but try to stand nearby while I listen and watch. The shade is a fascinating place. It's intimate, quiet, safe and FUN- like a fort they might build at home. I try to blend because they think, "If I can't see the teacher - the teacher can't see me"... little do they know I'm great at blending in with the blue swirly slide.

Here is what I see when they are in the shade, "without no teacher around!"

Children coming up with a plan then working together to build mulch houses for ants or other critters that might

also need the shade (which is an increadibly important skill as they find their way through life),children talking about their families, especially their siblings they are not so happy with (this is creating true intimate connection) and children comforting someone who is angry, lonely or sad. This is real world shit happening in the shade. How do I know this?

Yesterday I was at Reston Town Center, an outdoor shopping center with great stores and of course the most important thing, shade and Starbucks. I splurged and got a giant chocolate Mocha Cookie Crumble frappacino with all the whipped topping and crumbles please.

Because it was crockpot cookin hot, I retreated to a shady open area where couples gather, kids play, old men play chess and people walk their dogs.

As I was watching I noticed something. The adults were doing the same thing in the shade the kids do. They were talking about families, playing games and comforting eachother in the coolness and quiet of the shade. Real friendships and intimacy happening right there in front of me, because no one was watching.

No one was hovering, tigering or helicoptering... little did they know I happened to be watching and listening to EVERYTHING that was going on.

When you are in kindergarten and in the shade on the playground, no one watches, hovers, tigers or helicopters. Authentic friendships are formed and learning happens.

We can allow our child to experience these all important "shade" moments as well. We can watch from a distance instead of hovering. We can let them problem solve with others and learn through discovery without tigering. Most importantly, we can help them become who they are and trust themselves without hovering.

They will be safe if we are near but not too near.

In our world of scary, dangerous and devisive, we want to hold our children close. We want them to hear what is representative of our family's beliefs, and we want to make sure no one hurts them physically or emotionally. We don't need to hover to do that.

Watching from afar is a wonderful gift to give young children. It helps them become adults who can turn inward to determine what is appropriate, safe and kind. Kids who as teens and adults TRUST themselves without having to look to someone for the "right" answer.

I have children in college. I still try to watch from afar although, they are away at college,and it's SO HARD not to be able to hover, tiger, and helicopter,but I know that's not what's best for them. It's what's best for me. And their life, is NOT about me.

So treat yourself to something extra big and delicious and watch from afar as your children play on the playground. You might just be suprised at what you learn from them.

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